Still not on track!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can't believe that I am still not on track! Last night I ate some hot chips and and ice cream cone. I have no idea how many extra calories that was. I don't feel like by body is getting enough exercise either! It is raining today so I may not even be able to go for my 20 minute walk. I am getting tired and frustrated. I am just not where I desire to be. I read success stories and I think to myself, why can't that be me. It makes no sense that I am so short five, three and there are girls five nine that weigh far less than me. There is no may I should be this size. At the most I should be 150lbs. I am so depressed. I feel so trapped living with my grandma. I am living like an 85 year old woman. I am so afraid to take the reigns and make the changes necessary to lose weight. I should be walking 2 hours a day 7 days a week, and I know it!

I may start a morning walk, but the sad thing is I feel so guilty for trying to take some time to myself. I am a hermit I don't even leave the house on the weekends. Every day I go from work to the couch to the bed. On weekends I just go from the couch to the bed. I cannot afford to eat the way I do, with my beyond sendentary lifestyle. I am basically not living at all.

Even flowers and plants need fresh air, sun shine and water to survie. I am literally not living at all. I am not meeting my bodies needs. I get so frustrated I want to cry. I have to face the fact that I have to adapt to an indoor routine. I may have to start doing 30 minutes of indoor walking and some crunchies and free weights every day. I don't know what else I can do to make it happen. I may also have to converte all my breakfast to a fruit smoothie and have two salads a day with veggie patties, for every meal. I don't know what else to do to save myself.

CLM