I can hardly believe that December is really here! December
for me is a time for reflection and celebration. I love looking over my
experiences and seeking where I have grown, and looking at lessons I have
learned along the way. I plan to review my journals and see what I discovered
and to do a post on it at the end of this month. One thing that I can see right
now is that when I started 2013 I thought I was on a weight-loss journey, I
ended up learning more about myself in the process of trying to lose weight and
discovered that I am a compulsive eater.
This month my journey has taken on a new focus. In the past
I was focused on weight-loss and then I became focused on managing my
compulsive eating. In my journey to manage my compulsive eating and I really
should say, control my compulsive eating I discovered that the real problem is
not my compulsive eating, but the emotional problems that lead me to eat compulsively.
(Problems being anxiety, stress, depression and trauma.) I have begun to seek
therapy to help me to address my emotional issues, and in the course of trying
to fix my emotional issues I made yet another discovery, that underneath my
emotional issues was a spiritual problem. That problem being that my Hope has
been damaged. I have undergone some very
tough stuff over the years and the more stuff I went through the more I
ate, and the more I ate, the larger I got, and the more I fixated on losing
weight as the answer to all my problems. Weight-loss was not going to fix, that
jobs dissatisfaction, the depression, the grief etc. I use to have a tool box
for dealing with my emotional issues, and that was Hope. My hope can in a
particular package and that was in the form of my religion. When I experienced some
shifts in my belief system and I lost my tool box with my Hope in it. I am now
on a journey to build a better tool box to contain my Hope with my new beliefs.
I just read a new book that opened my eyes on Weight, “Health
at Every Size,” by Linda Bacon. The book talks about how the body can naturally
maintain a set point weight and how it is easier for the body to maintain or
gain weight than it is for it to lose weight. The book asserts that being
larger does not automatically make you unhealthy. I can personally attest to
not having high blood pressure, diabetes, cancer or any of the other big bad’s,
despite my larger size. The book also advocates intuitive eating, eating more
mindfully and listening to your bodies, wants, hunger and fullness levels.
I personally find the mindful intuitive eating part to be a
bit of a challenge in our busy world that is full of processed foods, but I do
like the idea of looking inward for food cues instead of always focusing on external
cues.
Through reading this book I did some reflection on my
previous methods to control my compulsive eating, such as food restriction and
I am re-thinking that approach, since instead of motivating me to eat less, I
seemed to always binge more. I am now focused on an in-direct approach to
dealing with my compulsive eating. Perhaps leaving the food out of it and
focuses more on filling myself with spiritual food aka Soul Food, by truly
taking care of myself, I can in-directly have an impact on my compulsive
eating. Sometimes I am trying out are journal writing, prayer, art, music, and
therapy. I will be seeking out ways to please myself without just using food. I
don’t think that I will find a magical cure and that I will cease to binge eat
or compulsive eat for good, but I do think that I may be healthier in the long
run and that these indirect effects while not entirely measurable, may produce
a healthier and happier Carolyn that
does not always need to binge.
Happy Holidays to Everyone!
CLM
