Hello December!

I can hardly believe that December is really here! December for me is a time for reflection and celebration. I love looking over my experiences and seeking where I have grown, and looking at lessons I have learned along the way. I plan to review my journals and see what I discovered and to do a post on it at the end of this month. One thing that I can see right now is that when I started 2013 I thought I was on a weight-loss journey, I ended up learning more about myself in the process of trying to lose weight and discovered that I am a compulsive eater.

This month my journey has taken on a new focus. In the past I was focused on weight-loss and then I became focused on managing my compulsive eating. In my journey to manage my compulsive eating and I really should say, control my compulsive eating I discovered that the real problem is not my compulsive eating, but the emotional problems that lead me to eat compulsively. (Problems being anxiety, stress, depression and trauma.) I have begun to seek therapy to help me to address my emotional issues, and in the course of trying to fix my emotional issues I made yet another discovery, that underneath my emotional issues was a spiritual problem. That problem being that my Hope has been damaged. I have undergone some very  tough stuff over the years and the more stuff I went through the more I ate, and the more I ate, the larger I got, and the more I fixated on losing weight as the answer to all my problems. Weight-loss was not going to fix, that jobs dissatisfaction, the depression, the grief etc. I use to have a tool box for dealing with my emotional issues, and that was Hope. My hope can in a particular package and that was in the form of my religion. When I experienced some shifts in my belief system and I lost my tool box with my Hope in it. I am now on a journey to build a better tool box to contain my Hope with my new beliefs.

I just read a new book that opened my eyes on Weight, “Health at Every Size,” by Linda Bacon. The book talks about how the body can naturally maintain a set point weight and how it is easier for the body to maintain or gain weight than it is for it to lose weight. The book asserts that being larger does not automatically make you unhealthy. I can personally attest to not having high blood pressure, diabetes, cancer or any of the other big bad’s, despite my larger size. The book also advocates intuitive eating, eating more mindfully and listening to your bodies, wants, hunger and fullness levels.

I personally find the mindful intuitive eating part to be a bit of a challenge in our busy world that is full of processed foods, but I do like the idea of looking inward for food cues instead of always focusing on external cues.

Through reading this book I did some reflection on my previous methods to control my compulsive eating, such as food restriction and I am re-thinking that approach, since instead of motivating me to eat less, I seemed to always binge more. I am now focused on an in-direct approach to dealing with my compulsive eating. Perhaps leaving the food out of it and focuses more on filling myself with spiritual food aka Soul Food, by truly taking care of myself, I can in-directly have an impact on my compulsive eating. Sometimes I am trying out are journal writing, prayer, art, music, and therapy. I will be seeking out ways to please myself without just using food. I don’t think that I will find a magical cure and that I will cease to binge eat or compulsive eat for good, but I do think that I may be healthier in the long run and that these indirect effects while not entirely measurable, may produce a healthier  and happier Carolyn that does not always need to binge.

Happy Holidays to Everyone!

CLM

Not on a weight-loss journey?

I learned that I am a compulsive eater and that makes it difficult to lose weight. Being a compulsive eater does not define me, but it has redefined my journey to acquire and maintain good health habits for life, because there is no point in getting healthy if you don’t plan on staying healthy. Healthy is a state that is constantly moving and changing, I think  striving to live a healthy life is all one can hope for, because you only have so much control over your health as the human body ages, is exposed to accidents and encounters illnesses. For me living a healthy lifestyle is not about weight-loss, diet and exercise. Living a healthy lifestyle is about total wellness, mental, physical and spiritual health. I will never be at a point where I feel like I have arrived, what my focus on instead is on developing, building and maintain healthy habits that I can maintain for life. The standard I use to develop these habits and test them for usefulness is whether the habit is realistic, attainable and sustainable. I can do a self-check periodically on my habits to see how I am doing with them and to make any adjustment s I need to make. I do aspire to lose weight, but I am no longer setting weight-loss as a hard goal or using it to measure my success. Over the course of my journey so far as it has evolved from a weight-loss journey into a wellness journey I have observed that I have developed and maintained many healthy habits despite what the scales says. I have been on a solid walking routine for over a year now, I have continued to drink plenty of water daily, I have cleaned up my breakfast, lunch and dinner meals. I have found ways to stay inspired and stay motivated and instead of focusing on what has gone wrong I am choosing to give myself credit for the lifestyle changes I have made and managed to stick with.

CLM

Tracking for People Not In Love with Numbers!

I have a love hate relationship with numbers. Some times I think they are so cool, it can be exciting to learn the amount of calories in a container in X,Y,Z, but other times, I just get a headache constantly counting numbers. I found two ways to tracking/monitoring/observing your food intake that are free of the dreaded numbers.

#1 You can keep a food dairy/journal. In your food diary you can record just what you ate, or you can record your moods and tudes along with your food record. You can use descriptive language such as, "banana, cereal and milk," You can choose to add other data such as the quantity, "1/2 banana, 3/4 of a cup of Special K," you can develop your own short hand. This frees you from having to do database searches and looking up food data. You can use any journal type, note book or even your computer screen, or random scraps of paper if you please. I have tried many different things and what works best for me is an excel spreadsheet, I have a column for the day of the week, the date, breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks and I just record what I ate in the row. I like to add color to my chart, by pick a different color fill for each day. I have a sheet for each month. I found that using the spreadsheet was the most consistent food recording I have ever had. As a some what perfectionist I can understand how bad it feels to forget what you ate for a meal, or to have skipped a few days of recording, that is why I also use descriptors like Skipped, if I have missed a few days of tracking, or ate random junk, if  I can't really recall what I ate, if I am recording a few days later. The wonderful thing about keeping some type of record of what you ate, is that it can keep you accountable, you might see that you are eating a ton of junk and it might inspire you to eat more veggies, or if you are having a bad week, you can look back to a good week to get some food ideas. No matter how crazy I am eating, I feel better about my eating when I am recording my food intake.

#2 Another device I use quite often is Meal Planning. I create a plan for the day, as well as use a calendar where I come up with meals for months at at time. I am very flexible with my menu calendar, If I scheduled broccoli for Tuesday and I find I am craving string beans, I will eat them. Having a plan does not mean you are forced to eat what is on it, I can always cross something out and change the menu for a meal or a day. I see my meal planning in much the same way that a retirement home or school might have a menu plan for the week or month. I have a daily meal plan, and I also have menu's that I choose from to help me with making food decisions. I find that having a meal plan, helps me with grocery shopping and preparing healthy quick meals. With meal planning I have noticed a significant decrease in the amount of fast food that I consume. I also have very few days where my eating is totally out of control. ( Still a binge eater! I am a compulsive snacker, do pretty well with regular meals especially during the week.)

Hope this helps someone who may be feed up with their current calorie tracker. For those who do love the numbers here are two  websites that I used frequently www.myfitnesspal.com and livestrong.com, you can also try WW online if you like counting points.

I will also say that I do keep my membership to the numbers database websites, because it is nice to be able to spot check an item for the calorie info, when I am using Calorie Common Sense. Calorie Common Sense is when I look at the calories in foods while shopping to choose foods that are lower in calories, without counting my daily calorie intake. Calorie Common Sense might help me to buy Skinny Cow ice cream bars vs eating a pint of Ice Cream. Also if you are noticing that you have gained weight and you ever want to look up your calories for the day, you can always do a spot check by recording the info from your food diary/journal into one of the databases.

There are also some people that might be following a particular diet plan such as Atkins and may not want to track calories, but may want to look back as some of the things they are eating for meal planning, keeping some type of food journal even one without numbers could be helpful.

CLM

Hello November!

This past month I have been really struggling with my compulsive eating. I decided to try out some new things, I have been using a Sobriety Journal so that I can stay in touch with what is really eating me every day and I have also been writing out Sobriety Prayers, a way to draw strength for the day. I have been attending some OA meetings and keeping an open mind.

When I first began this blog I had one simple goal and that was to lose weight. Through this experience of trying to lose weight I have discovered that I am indeed a compulsive overeater. Now I understand that weight-loss for me isn’t as simple as exercise more, as I have held to a walking regimen for the past year. It is also not as simple as eating right, while I did learn a great deal about nutrition on my journey. I have learned to eat a healthy breakfast, lunch and dinner as well as healthy between meal snacks. The problem for me is that I have a compulsion to eat junk food after dinner and to eat junk food between meals on the weekends.

I thought I would find the answer to weight-loss in diet and exercise and that when I began this blog, that I would end it with a beautiful after picture, a number of pounds lost and a few tips on what helped me to lose the weight. I know understand that my problem is not being overweight, my problem is that I am a compulsive overeater and that problem will not just go away, I cannot fix that problem through diet and exercise alone. As of this moment I am no longer on a weight-loss journey. I am on a never ending journey to manage my compulsive overeating.

The purpose of this blog is no to no longer record my weight-loss journey, but to share any wellness, self-love, inspirational, motivational healthy lifestyle tips that I come across along my own journey to self-love and complete wellness. I may occasionally share some of my struggle with compulsive overeating, and what I am doing to help deal with it from time to time. Thank you to all the readers that came along to share in my weight-loss journey and thank you to any readers that want to share in my wellness, self-love, healthy lifestyle journey.

To any readers that are compulsive overeaters, you are not alone. I do not claim to have any answers and I am not cured. I am learning to take every day “One Day At A Time”. Like I said earlier I am using three things right now to help me, the Sobriety Journal, a journal where I reflect on my thoughts and feeling’s for the day,  a written prayer for Sobriety that I write each day and I am currently attending OA meetings.

CLM

Hello October!

September was a hard month indeed. I had a ton of binge eating episodes; in fact I only had three days when I did not binge and those three days or when I made up my mind not to have any after dinner snacks at all.

In this month of October I am celebrating my one year anniversary of walking five times a day for every week except the one when I had to rest because of my shin splints. When I reflect on my experience walking for an entire year, I am disappointed that my body did not change! A long time ago I lost weight without changing my diet, but by simply walking and a part of me felt like if I just took up walking again I would lose the weight. The truth is that while I have made many positive changes in my diet and with my exercise routine I have not addressed the big elephant that is in the room with me at all times, my Compulsive Eating!

Over this year I have come to realize that diet and exercise are not cures for Compulsive Eating. I can definitely say that the OA 1^st step rings true for me. “We admitted we were powerless over food — that our lives had become unmanageable.” I can say that I am indeed powerless over food. I am a Compulsive Eater and nothing that I have tried short of abstinence has worked. I think this month marks a shift from me thinking that my problem is that I am obese to my problem being that I am a Compulsive Eater. As a Compulsive Eater I take in 1,000-5,000 extra calories every night, despite eating a healthy breakfast, lunch and dinner and healthy mid-morning and afternoon snacks. I read a story in Overeaters Anonymous from one of the members and he spoke about their being a difference between physical hunger and the hunger that comes from Compulsive Eating, and the difference being that real hunger is satiable, this explains why I can eat a healthy breakfast and be full, but after dinner when I eat I am never satisfied no matter the amount.

I also admit that my life has totally become unmanageable. I am a prisoner living in my own body at 270+ pounds and a size 26 at Catherine’s on my five foot two inch body. I have spent the past year trying to manage my life through a healthy diet and exercise program, and I have not managed to defeat my obesity or combat my Compulsive Overeating.

As I move forward I am doing the following things. I am giving a name to my condition. I am a compulsive overeater, and I am claiming my cure, which is to abstain from compulsive overeating by refraining from eating after dinner snacks, avoiding all trigger foods, and avoiding eating between regular meals and regular snacks. I will be reading AA and OA literature, keeping a sobriety journal and I have a jar where I can earn sobriety rocks each day for remaining abstinent. I know that my physical recovery is more than possible as long as I remain abstinent. I do not think abstinence will be an easy journey, but I do think it will be a worthwhile journey, and I believe that it is my only option.

I will continue to keep up with my walking routine as it is the highlight of my day. I will continue to use meal planning, because having structure in my regular eating will help aid me in staying abstinent. I do believe that my addiction to compulsive eating is very similar to an alcoholic’s disease and just as they can’t just have one drink, I can’t just have one treat. My goal is to eliminate the behavior from my life completely.

“One Day At A Time”

CLM

The Power of Satiety!

Low satiety foods have added fat, sugar and salt. The added fat makes the food very easy to digest. You can dissolve the food in your mouth easily. The fat also compresses the food making it lighter. The added salt and sugar make the food highly addictive. The fiber and protein are removed from the food as well. Low satiety foods are very difficult to stop eating (Remember the popular brand ad, “Once you pop, you just can’t stop!) The body does not know how to regulate low satiety foods because the brain and body do not get a full signal. Examples of low satiety foods included; chips, French fries, and cookies.

High satiety foods are high in fiber and protein. They are lower in sugar, fat and salt. The brain and body are able to tell when you are full when you eat these foods. The foods are very easy to portion control, as the body can signal when it has had enough. Examples of high satiety foods include potatoes, apples and beans.

The satiety test: Next time you want a snack, pick a snack eat it and notice whether you immediately want more of it. How much of the snack do you need before you feel full? Have you eaten several servings? Is it possible for you to just eat 1-2 servings and put this snack down?

My own test:

There is a reason I only need one granola bar and yet I need 10 cookies. The granola bar has road oats which are hearty and full of fiber, it even has some protein and it is much lower in sugar and fat than most cookies. The cookies literally melt in my mouth from the rich butter and oils they are prepared with. The sugar makes them irresistible. I could eat 10 cookies in less than 10 minutes and still want an extra cookie. When was the last time you polished off a sleeve of cookies? While I have eaten loads of cookies in one sitting, I have never recalled a time when I have eaten more than one granola bar in one sitting, unless it was the highly processed, highly sweet melt in your mouth chewy kind and even in that case I have never eaten a box full.

CLM

Hello September!

August has been a month of struggles. During this month I was able to lose 6.4 pounds and during this same month I gained 5 pounds. I experimented with eating a ton of fresh salad, managing to eat salad for dinner for about two weeks. I also gave up after dinner snacks for 4 days ( the salad and lack of snacks lead to the 6 pound loss). I also had one of the most terrible binge eating episodes on my journey thus far. I ate a ton of ice cream, pizza, doughnuts, chips and candy over a two day period.

Even my exercise took a setback as my plantar fasciitis kicked in! Overall I would say that this month was a valley experience, and I long for the mountain top experience. In a valley experience you have intense struggles, but you have got to hang on and keep fighting. I kept myself fighting this month by continuing to journal and read inspiration weight-loss stories.

This month of September I am looking forward to getting stronger while I am in the valley. I have a plan that I believe will sustain me through December. I am harnessing the power of my dinner calendar which worked really well in the month of July. I have planned my dinners out for the next few months. I follow the structure of having a big healthy meal that will be cooked on Sunday and last from Monday-Wednesday. On Thursday and Friday I have my soup nights. On the weekend I will prepare a beautiful fresh salad to eat for dinner.

During the day I will continue to feast on energy bars, yogurt and fresh fruit, as well as my veggie burger that I eat for lunch. I will continue to go for my walks, but I will take rest days and think about using the stationary bike to give my poor feet a break. I will get some new shoes with more support. This month I will be also monitoring my weight each week.

Lastly, I will be completing a challenge in which I dine on the following after dinner snacks, fresh fruit, jello pudding and light chips such as the special K chips or pirate’s booty. My goal is to stick to these snacks only!

CLM

Hello August!

July was a tough month. I was dealing with more grief and depression. I also experienced a real setback in the form of my grief, which caused me to lose focus on my eating and exercise. I did end up gaining some weight and going up a size in clothing. It was challenging to not beat myself up, but to simply return to the healthy habits that I have been building on my journey. I learned that you cannot just fix things by going to extreme exercise or extreme diet. I also learned that I should not panic when I see changes in my body. I learned how to accept when I am not on the same level of fitness as before. I had to learn how to accept my struggles with food as I slowly built back up to my better eating habits.

This month’s experiences have taught me to appreciate dressing my best at any size. I always withheld clothes waiting for the day when I would be smaller. Now I know that wearing attractive clothes that fit at every size is essential to me feeling positive about myself and that good feeling will motivate me to continue to take the best care of myself.

I also learned that even when my eating is off track I can always draw strength from my consistent walking routine. When all else fails I can walk! Walking helped me feel better about myself when I was feeling negative about my body and my food struggles. It is hard to dump on yourself after you have just completed a physical challenge.

I was able t o implement some new things to help me get back on track on my health journey. I started a dinner calendar, where I created dinner homework assignments for the month to help motivate me to cook healthy meals. I also increased my food intake during the day. I had always been really strict during the day, only eating breakfast and lunch with no snacks in between. I believed that because I binge eat at night that I was cutting calories by not snacking during the day. What I realized was that not snacking during the day was not helping to cut down on binge eating at night. I was making myself so hungry and destroying my blood sugar by fasting and then binge eating. I gave myself to eat snacks during the day and I have begun to feel so much better and I have noticed that I do eat less during the evening as a result. I snack on things like larabars , fruit cups, yogurt and rice cakes with cheese.

One of the most powerful things I got out of this month of July was that 1,000 attempts is better than quitting. No matter how difficult my health journey may be at times it is always worth it to keep going. I know that if I keep trying, eventually I will do something right.

As I head in to this August Month I am excited to continue on my journey. I am holding on to habits that are helping me such as journaling, reading inspirational weight-loss stories, eating a healthy breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks, and keeping up with my walking. Last month I began to snack well during the day, this month I will give hearty snacks a chance during the evening. I will listen to my body and feed myself when I get hungry, trying out a yogurt or larabar in the evening, since it works so well during the day. I am still seeking to make my journey more organic and more seamless. I am mostly looking forward to continuing my healthy habits, making them stronger and seeing my body slowly return to a smaller size.

CLM

Goodbye June, Hello July!

What I learned in June

I learned about experiencing setbacks on your health journey. I define a setback as an experience in your life that over takes your focus on health. My setback came in the form of losing my grandmother this month. During this time I ate a lot of fast food and junk food. My initial reaction was to do a reset. My focus was on my weight. Whenever I feel that my life is out of control I focus on my weight. By focusing on my weight I ended up trying to do an extreme detox. I had a plan to eat soup for dinner for 24 days, among other things. I experienced a recoil effect from the deprivation and I was reminded of why it is important that I have after dinner snacks as I found myself binge eating on sugar. I am grateful I had this experience of dealing with a setback in my journey, because it helped me face my fear of back sliding on my journey. In the back of my mind there was a fear that one day I would return to my former ways and regain all that I had lost. Through the experience of dealing with a setback I learned that my fear will never be realized, because I am gaining the skills and knowledge to never be the same unhealthy person ever again. I learned that I can always get back up. I learned that the proper way to do a reset is to simply focus on one or two healthy habits and build your way back into your normal routine. I learned you should expect to struggle and that you should not beat yourself up. The two habits I focused on were my daily walks and eating a healthy breakfast and lunch. In a few days I was able to go from not taking any walks and eating doughnuts for breakfast to walking daily and eating veggie burgers and fruit for breakfast and lunch. I also learned that for me when it comes to detox plans my limit is no more than 3-5 days maximum.

This July I am looking forward to continuing to keep up my walking routine, adding back in some strength training. I got a brand new set of weights from 3LBs to 15LB’s. I will be taking the stairs more and doing squats. I plan to use a paper journal to keep a food diary that is not focused on calorie counting, and to record my thoughts and feeling’s each day. I am also making the choice not to focus on weight-loss, but to focus on maintain healthy habits and the weight-loss will naturally follow. I have designed my own simply filling foods list with foods that are best for me on my journey. My list basically includes fruit, vegetables, beans, soy products, brown rice, low-fat snacks, and I am trying to stay away from trigger foods and junk foods that are high in fat. I am doing weekly meal planning and daily meal planning. I will be eating lots of veggie patty’s with vegetables, brown rice or potatoes, beans and rice, salads and other special meal idea’s such as veggie fajita’s.

CLM

June Plan Update! No longer a WW!

I have decided not to continue with Weight Watcher's.

The main reason is that along my journey I had decided not to watch my weight. My focus has been on making a life style change, developing healthy eating habits, a regular exercise routine and working on loving myself. Weighing myself weekly is just not a part of my journey. I also want to develop, build and maintain healthy eating habits. The Weight Watcher's tools, of the database of food and the point system, do not take me directly where I want to go. I do better with just a set of healthy guidelines to help me make healthier choices each day, rather than a system that would turn me into a food accountant. Even if I was to become a food accountant, I would rather count calories than points, since the majority of labeled food displays calorie information, even fast food places. I did like the support of the group meetings, but again I would rather be in a group that discusses wellness rather than program jargon.

CLM

PSA: This Just In, " A COOKIE IS STILL, A COOKIE!"

PSA: This Just In, "A COOKIE IS STILL A COOKIE!"

Almost no one would think they could eat cake in the middle of the day, for just any old reason, but we trust cookies. Cookies have become an every day snack. They are thin and light, easy to carry, have a long shelf-life, and we are convinced that they are pretty much harmless. Even a person who stays ten feet away from soda and juice at all times will not think twice about biting into a cookie. The COOKIE has become the treat that we have gotten use to after our lunch time meals or as an afternoon or late night snack. Even is we eat desert, should we really be eating it twice a day? What makes the COOKIE even more sinister is that you can rarely eat just one, unless of course the cookie is the size of your face!

Even when we have finally come to our senses and admitted that COOKIES are the DEVIL, we fool ourselves with the LOW-FAT COOKIE, THE SUGAR-FREE COOKIE, THE HIGH FIBER COOKIE, THE VEGAN COOKIE, THE GLUTEN-FREE COOKIE, etc. No matter what the package say's be warned that a COOKIE, IS STILL A COOKIE!

Unless you want to end up like the COOKIE MONSTER, a big giant blue thing, well maybe you won't turn blue like him, but any how, just treat all cookies the same. Remember that the best defense is a good offense. Keep the house a COOKIE FREE ZONE! Just Say No, in the grocery store. Check your cart and remove items at the check-out if you have to. Do not buy value size packs of cookies, you do not need to STORE COOKIES in your home or your BELLY! Unless there is NUCLAR WAR COOKIES will still be around.

And if for some reason you really do want to bring home a pack of cookies, why don't you just add all 24 cookies into your weight-loss tracker and stop kidding yourself!

CLM

So Long May!

The Month in Review:

1. My family was in town for a visit and during the visit my grandmother had a fall and was hospitalized. This caused major stress and I experienced a phenomenon I coin, "Bi-polar Eating", in which I eat healthy for part of the day and then eat crazy junk for the next part of the day, and continue this trend throughout the day. In the past I only ate one way, which was totally out of control.

2. I also got the stomach flu, which was horrible. I lived of a strict diet of Gatorade and Crackers.

3. I uncovered my gluten intolerance and have been on a gluten free diet for the latter part of the month, doing a complete overhaul of my food plan.

4. I rejoined Weight Watchers and have attended several meetings.

5. I have just finished my sessions with my trainer, in the Get Fit/ Stay Fit Program at my job. I had been strength training twice a week and no longer fear weights! I did my check out assessment after several months in the program and my blood pressure is lower and I am down 10 pounds bring my latest weight to date as of 5/29/2013 is 257 pounds! I am happy to have broken out of my plateau!

The major lessons I have learned this month:

1. Nacho's (tortilla chips with cheese) are not for me, this food is difficult to portion control and I can binge easily on this food.

2. Low Carb Living is not for me. I need fruit, vegetables and even starch.

3. I must not give up treats and snacks. I can find a happy middle ground.

4. Setting a weight-loss goal of no more than 2 LBS a month works for me. That is if I set a goal at all!

CLM

Hello May!

First let me shout for joy that I made it through April! I am so looking forward to this month. My primary goals this month are to continue walking with my walking group three days a week. To continue my twice a week strength training sessions. To track what I eat this month, so that I can be honest about what I am putting into my body. To focus on eating small portions. To keep junk food out of the house. To focus on popcorn, pudding, and frozen fruit bars for after dinner snacks, along with tea, hot chocolate and gum. I want to make sure that I am eating a veggie burger with yogurt for breakfast and lunch every day, including weekends. I want to make sure that I am taking a morning walk on the weekends. I want to continue to eat healthy meals rich in vegetables for dinner Monday-Friday. I will allow myself two fast food meals twice a week on weekends, chipotle, taco bell, subway, but I will try not to buy desserts from there. If I want to treat myself to a dessert while I am out, I will choose frozen yogurt. I want to continue to journal my feeling daily. I am hoping to have a strong month as I fight each day to stay on track and recover from April's damage.

CLM

Good Bye April!

I am saying a farewell to April. This has been the hardest month of my journey to get healthy! I have faced the ultimate challenges and distractions. I have had a hectic work load with my family being in town. I have been a caretaker for my grandmother and during that time I learned to put myself dead last. I would resent putting myself last and feel trapped, and then I would turn to junk food and binge eat. I have had a ton of binge eating episodes over the last two weeks and my family has been back around and I have felt myself slipping into my old pattern of putting myself on the back burner. I have kept up with my exercise this month, my strength training and my walking, but I fell off any type of eating routine. This month was a struggle and one that I just had to get through. The two lessons I learned this month, is that I must put myself first or pay the price of resentment and binge eating. The second and the most important lesson I learned was to never give up on myself even if I am having a bad meal, a bad day, a bad week or in this case a bad month. As long as you don't give up you cannot fail. I am happy to get back on track for the month of May. My plan for  May is forth coming.

CLM

Two Weeks to the End Of April

It feels like this month has lasted forever. I faced many challenges this month from my family being back in town to a ton of assignments at work. I have been on the go non-stop. There are some things I have done well this month. I have kept up with my weight training sessions with my personal trainer. I have wanted to quit at times as my life felt so hectic and I wanted to take some thing off my plate. What I have learned by pushing through with my twice weekly sessions is that after I train I feel so calm and relaxed. I never new lifting could release my stress and tension.

I have also kept up with my walking routine, really enjoying walking with my walking group at work. I have prevented any foot injuries that almost crept up.

I did track toward the start of the month, but I quickly abandoning daily tracking. My eating had been some what out of control over the last two weeks. I have been able to recover by jotting down what I eat on index cards, writing in my journal daily, especially my emotions. I have also written inspiring messages on index cards and set small goals for myself.

At this point in my journey I do feel ready to treat myself better by eating healthier foods. I am focusing on cutting back on flour and sugar products, and eating more fresh salads and fresh fruit. I am trying to fill up on fruits and vegetables. I feel that the only way to beat my addiction it to make some permanent changes to my eating habits, so I am cutting back on cheese, flour and sugar. I will check back in at the end of the month to see how I have done.

One salad down today and one more to go!

CLM

Back to the Middle!!!!!!

Back to the Middle

I have to realize that on my health journey I face unique challenges and a big one is the fact that I am a compulsive eater. As a compulsive eater it is important for me not to define my journey by the speed of my weight-loss or for me to fall into any perfect eating trap. I have to always remember as the OA is famous for saying, "It is Progress Not Perfection!" For these reasons I cannot totally give up sweets or after dinner snacking. On my journey I must make goals that are realistic and attainable, ones that I can truly live with as a part of my life style. Every single time I begin to get obsessed with the number on the scale, or start to compare my progress to others or attempt to give up sweets or after dinner snacking, I run into a brick wall. I am not saying that I will never be able to give up sweets or after dinner snacking, but I do know that for me I cannot define giving up sweets and after dinner snacking as victory for me. For me victory is defined as falling down and always getting back up. My commitment to simply keep moving forward no matter what it what I define as victory. I am giving myself credit for every single step I take towards my health and well-being. There are some areas I am better at than others, but having some thing to work on is a part of my journey. My journey does not have a fixed end point and it is not a straight lined path. My journey is about learning and growing. I have been on my journey since October 2012 and I have not quit.

CLM

The Sweet Life!

Yesterday was my first day off the Sweet Stuff. My greatest challenge was acting in that day instead of waiting until tomorrow. I just imagined myself stuffing myself with sweets and never being satisfied with any amount, no matter how great. I decided I did not want that to be me, so I cleaned house. I took a garbage bag which I had to double and I dumped (frozen fruit bars, fruit snacks, dried fruit leathers, m&m's, sherbet  sorbet, pudding and any other sweet treat I had hidden in the house including a bag of jolly ranchers.). I looked at the bag and noticed that this would have been a weeks worth of my sugar supply and I saw the size of my addiction. I tossed the bag in the dumpster and proceeded with my evening. My first day off the Sweets was a great day, I ended up finding the energy to cook up a nice meal of black eye peas, brown rice and mustard greens. I ate my evening snack of V8, a WW string Cheese, and a small pack of goldfish crackers. I came in at 1200 calories for the day. I am looking forward to the Sweeter Side of Life without Sweets. There is life after sugar.

CLM

I am Kissing Sweets Goodbye!

I have often thought about ditching the sweet stuff. My all or nothing personality has held me back. I could not rationalize passing up cookies while still eating bag's of chips. I realized that I can have an ascension diet, where I work on one step at a time. When I really think about it I have every thing to gain and nothing to lose by giving up sweets. While I may not be perfect, and am not ready to go whole hog and ditch snacks all together I can see an improvement in my life and health by making this cut. Let's say eating sweets represents 30% of my poor eating habits, imagine the calories, fat and sugar I can cut from my diet just by giving up sweets. Some people just cut sweet drinks and see a change in their health. I ditched sweet drinks long ago, and with taking this next step to cut sweets from my diet I feel that I will be giving myself the best gift possible. Down the road after this victory of breaking my sweet addiction I may yet have the power to rid myself of all unhealthy snacks. If nothing else I will have broken one more bad addiction and that is more than worth the effort. I am also going to start with the Big Bad Obvious Sweets (Cookies, Cake, Ice Cream and Pie) I am not going to stress over the sugar and Carb percentages of every item of food I take in, like eliminating bread, pasta and cereal. The Carbs I am cutting are specifically from the cookies, cakes and pie category  I will follow the golden rule, "Only eat treats that God Created! Aka fruit!). I believe that by focusing one this one specific step I will have success, in the past when I tried to give up sweets I lumped it in with a larger goal to completely give up junk food or eliminate after dinner snacking, which made it harder to focus on giving up the sweets. I like having a narrow and specific goal to work on. I am looking forward to the sweeter side of life without the cakes and pies.

CLM

Hello April

So far I have had a rough start to this month, I slacked on my tracking, at fast food and sweets. I am so happy I get a fresh start to get back on track. This month will be really challenging for me as I have a ton of distractions from projects at work to things I need to take care of at home. I will have to stay focused on getting my exercise in my any means necessary. I will also have to make sure that I am tracking my meals and snacks, eating 5 meals a day and planning those meals so that I make healthy choices automatic. I have to continue to learn to forgive myself and bounce back from mistakes quickly. I know I can do it.

CLM

Good Bye March!

March was a great month. One of my biggest triumph's of the month was that I was able to fit into a size 1x skirt that is 18/20 size. I have had the skirt for years and have not been able to wear it in years!!!! This month I worked in a lot of strength training with my personal trainer, doing lots of squats, lunges and work with resistance bands. The strength work has been a great addition to my normal walking routine which has been going strong since October 2012, that makes 5 months. This month I also kept to my 5 meal a day plan. I have really felt better since I added a mid-morning snack and an afternoon snack to my diet. I have also been tracking my calories on a new site myfitnesspal.com. I have had other victories this month such as several days in which I ran and a few days of no snacking after dinner. I have had some day's where I ate fast food, sweets and even some binge eating. I have noticed that I am much kinder to myself after poor eating and I bounce back immediately. Over all I feel much more strong and happy. I am looking forward to my Six Month of my walking routine in April. For the month of April, I will continue to train with my trainer two days a week and work on my strength training. I will continue to stick to my 5 meal a day plan. I have decided to allow myself after dinner treats so I will work on some lighter options such as sugar-free pudding, sorbet, rice crackers and pretzels. When I have attempted to have no after dinner snacks I have mostly ended up with frustration, so if I can't take in zero calories, then I will take in as few calories as I can at night. I will continue to track on myfitnesspal. Oh and I almost forgot I have been walking with a group at work during lunch which makes the walking even more fun.

CLM

Don’t Throw The Baby Out With The Bath Water!

How to recover after a binge

Case Study 1.0 Carolyn had an after dinner binge while doing her 3 Day No Eating After Dinner Challenge

What She Did:

Immediately acknowledge her actions (Keep it plain and simple, stick to facts only, I had a binge! Not, I am feel in the blank. J-Hud has a blog on WW called Me powered, you need the power that is inside of you to continue on your journey towards good health, so do not tear yourself down.)

Gave 10 seconds to think about the why (Any longer than a quick second is giving too much power to the binge, treat is like it was an isolated incident and move on quickly. The why is not as important as what you are going to do about it!)

Moved Forward (By tracking what she ate, exercising the next day as planned and eating her next meal as planned! It is important not to react to the binge by making any adjustments in your life such as increasing your exercise or reducing your calories. Treat your binge like a spoiled brat, it will stop hollering if you simply ignore it. Stay on your plan it is working! Changing up your plan because of a binge would cause you to constantly change your plan, and it could throw you off plan permanently. Don’t try to punish yourself!!!!!!

Resolved to try again (There are two women that live inside of you, Ms. Triumph and Ms. I quit.

Ms. Triumph is the person inside you that is always willing to try every new crazy idea you come up with. She may be a little afraid or has some doubts, but at the end of the day she rolls up her sleeves and tries.

Ms. I quit on the other hand sits on the side lines and watches Ms. Triumph, she laughs and mocks her, telling her she should just throw in the towel. When Ms. Triumph falls, Ms. I quit is always there to make sure she stay’s down.

The solution is that you need to learn to confront Ms. I quit by understanding her two primarily objectives.

Objective #1 To get you not to try in the first place- Confront her by daring to try.

Objective #2 To get you to give up as soon as possible- Ms. I  quit will not continue to berate forever, she is full of hot wind and blows out of steam pretty quickly. Simple look her dead in her eyes and say, “No matter what you say or do I will not give up, even if it takes me 100 attempts I will get the victory,” and you find she backs down. )

The Lesson: Giving up binge eating is like playing a video game on level one. You learn to jump and run at the same time, you make it to the end and then comes the challenge, where you must test your skills against the big monster. What you don’t know is that the monster does not have any special tricks, to defeat him you simply have to use the skills you have already built up by playing the game. The main thing is that you don’t want to get psyched out.

The Take Away: Change your definition of failure. Failure is not when you have a binge. Failure is when you stop attempting to stop. As long as you are fighting you are winning.

CLM

3 Day No After Dinner Eating!

I have not been doing well with my nothing but fruit after dinner challenge. I am starting over today with a new 3 day challenge not to eat anything after dinner from today through Saturday.

CLM

I did it again!

I went running this morning. I ran for 5 blocks and for about 7 minutes! I am so proud of myself. I did not know I had it in me. Don't tell me you can't run at 270 ish pounds! I would like to thank my five month walking routine along with the squats and push-ups that prepared my body to be able to run.

CLM

I ran today!

I did intervals during my normal lunch time walk and I did two 10 second/ half a block runs as wells a few speed walk intervals. I am proud of myself. I will be throwing in running intervals twice a week and building up my stamina as I run. Some one once told me that even if you are a walker that is running for 10 seconds you may claim yourself as a runner. Well who knew when I began walking in Oct 2012 that by March 2013 that I would be sneaking in some running.

CLM

March Goals

Well I can't believe that February is already gone!

My goals for this month are as follows:

1. Continue to walk daily, focus on those Saturday workouts, where I will be doing some strength training. I may even flirt around with running.

2. Clean up my eating, now that I am eating more and more often I need to watch my intake of junk food and work on perhaps not chowing down after dinner or at the very least having fresh fruit only after dinner. Maybe I will do a fresh fruit only after dinner challenge this month.

3. I will continue my training sessions twice a week to work on my strength.

That's pretty much it.

CLM

Trick or Treat: Better Snacks!

I have learned that the following foods make poor snack/treat choices and are actually empty calories that should not be a part of a healthy diet (cookies, pastries, chips, crackers, candy, and ice cream). The reason these foods make such poor snack choices is that they are usually high in sugar, fat and carbs, while at the same time offering almost no fiber or protein. When you eat these snacks you do not feel full which is why these tend to be foods easy to binge on. These foods also have an addictive component, in that once you eat these foods they create cravings for more. I am learning not to eat these foods as snacks or even as treats.

A better snack is made from real food that is high in fiber and protein. When I am hungry it is better to eat some whole fruit, nuts yogurt or a sandwich than to fill up on empty calories.

An easy way to spot an empty calorie food is to see if the food is high in sugar, fat and calories while not giving you any fiber or protein.

A time and manner to treat oneself?

I am finding that first off I must have a food worthy of being a treat. A treat food would be one that I do not consider to be apart of my normal diet. One that I would eat on special occasions or sparingly. One that I can eat a single serving of and not be tempted to binge. For me I want my treat to have some sort of nutritional value as well. A treat food is not something that I would eat a snack. If  I am hungry the last thing I would want to eat is a treat food. A treat food is purely for the taste buds!

My personal treat of choice is plain cheese cake. Cheese cake does have sugar and fat, but it also has protein. I never eat more than 2 slices and can get full off one slice. It does not make me want to binge.

* cheese cake from Jack in the Box is 310 cal, 17 fat, 9 sat fat, 7 protein.

CLM

February Recap!

So at the beginning of this month I had thoughts of cleaning up my diet by cutting snacks, and I was really focused on cutting out junk food. I relied a lot on sugar-free pudding and pop-corn toward the beginning of the month. I was following a pretty strict plan of eating where I ate three meals a day, mostly veggie burgers and yogurt. I was preparing to start working with a personal trainer. About half way through the month I began working with my new personal trainer. He helped me to add in some strength training to my daily routine of walking which I love. I have made it to the 5 month mark with my walking and I love it! I will continue to be a walker for life. Although I was a little hesitant to try adding the strength training I am finding that I really love how good my body feels after a strength session. I have also heard for years about the benefits of strength training how once you build up those lovely muscles your body will just melt fat even when you are at rest. I also heard it can help you get a more slim body even if you weigh more. I am now a believer and will be doing strength training at-least twice a week. I think I was intimidated by all the fancy gym equipment, but so far I have not stepped foot in a gym, I have been doing push-up's, squats, lunges and lifting soup cans. I do like having a guide to help me and I do think that one day I may even join Curves.

Other things I learned this month include more body acceptance. My body is not losing a lot of pounds quickly and I feel honestly at this point that focusing on weight loss is a lost cause. I have noticed non scale victories such as increased energy and looser clothing. I can now fit some clothes I could not wear a few months ago. I have not dropped an entire dress size yet, but I am happy that I am fitting my current dress size better. The good news is that I have not gained weight or gone up a dress size! At the suggestion of my trainer I have added more food to my diet. I had been avoiding pasta and a lot of carbs for a while eating really low calorie meals, and now I am following a plan where I eat more whole wheat, especially pasta, use olive oil, eat at-least five times a day.

I found that I was developing an eating disorder where I was afraid to eat carbs, fat and higher calorie foods no matter what nutrients they offered. As a result of my poor eating habits my body was going into starvation mode and retaining fat! I am so happy my trainer helped inspire me to eat in a much more loving manner. I can already feel energy being restored to my body. I have decided to stop trying to diet or  restrict my calorie intake and learn to enjoy healthy foods and eat what my body really needs.

I am discovering that a gentile approach to exercise and eating right work better for me than extremes. As I approach March I am happy to have a healthier mindset. I will be posting March's goals soon. Overall I can say that my journey has definitely grown past weight loss into a journey to love myself and be healthy. I have discovered that the journey truly has no end point that eating right and taking care of myself are things I will be doing for life.

CLM

Lesson I learned: Don't focus on cuts!

I have learned the hard way that focusing on the foods I am cutting out causes me to have craving's for them later. I ate two bags of hot chips over the weekend. It is better for me to focus on those good habits I am building than focusing too much on avoiding trigger and junk food. For the rest of this month my goal will be to simply start each weekend day by eating a veggie burger and a yogurt and going for a 30 min walk. I have to remember to focus on small goals that I can do rather than big goals that are hard to achieve such as never eating junk food or trigger foods. I am still working on forgiving myself quickly when I make mistakes and finding confidence from going right back to my healthy habits. I have to remember, "Progress Not Perfection!" The most important thing is that I keep moving forward on my journey and not get to far ahead of myself.

CLM

What you gonna cut?

What you gonna cut?

When it comes to weight management you have to learn to eat healthy food and exercise, but that is not the only thing you have to do. At some point you have to suck it up and cut some thing bad out. The question of what you are going to cut out of your diet is totally up to you, as well as how you choose to cut that bad food out.

Some popular approaches are cutting out entire foods groups such as no meat, no fat or no carbs. Some people choose to eat any and every thing and cut down on portions.

The problem with the above approaches for me, is that cutting out entire foods groups makes me feel too deprived and not in the candy counts as a food group sort of way, I actually feel like I am starving my body and psychologically I just can't go on a starvation plan, even if what I am doing is starving myself of a particular nutrient, I need fat, carbs and protein to function and that is just the way it is.

As far as the eat any and every thing approach as long as you only eat a little, well all I can say is if that worked for me, then I would have never had a weight problem to begin with! Some foods cannot be eaten in moderation for me. You have heard the popular commercial for Pringles, "Once you pop, you just can't stop," well that statement could not be more true for me.

The real question is, "Why would I want to start eating a food, that I know good and well I will not be able to stop eating?" That just sound like a recipe for fat.

I have gotten to the point in my health journey were I now understand that a big part of weight loss is not only starting good behaviors and habits, but breaking or stopping bad behaviors and habits. I will say that it is much easier to start good habits like drinking water, eating a healthy breakfast or walking than to stop a bad behavior like cutting out junk foods.

So to answer the question,"What Am I Gonna Cut?"

I am gonna cut, cheese, chocolate, chips and crackers, cookies, cake, pies and other desserts besides pudding, hummus, peanut butter and jelly, salted nuts, dried fruit and all forms of candy!

CLM

February's Challenge! Giving Up The Bad Stuff!

It is now February 2013 and I feel ready to embark upon a new phase of my journey were I work on stopping the bad habits of eating harmful foods such as cheese, chocolate, candy, cookies, cake,pie, fried foods and other harmful foods that my body was addicted to. It is time to become abstinent from harmful foods. I feel ready to embark upon this leg of the journey and I am standing on the shoulders of my new healthy routine.

CLM

Good Bye January!

Good Bye January, Good bye January with all your arctic winds, and icy windows. I am looking forward to the peaks of sunshine I will see in February. I managed to get through this first month of the year with a solid eating routine, of veggie burgers, yogurt, fruit, popcorn, sugar-free pudding, and protein shakes. I kept up a steady walking routine through the cold and the rain. I saw my clothes become baggy and noticed my body slimming down. I feel confident that February will be a great month. The main lesson I learned this month was how to surf through cravings and forgive myself for slip-up's. I have feel stronger than ever since I don't use any old excuse in the book to quit. CLM

Lesson: Cravings are Here to Stay!

Lesson I have learned: You Must Live With Your Cravings! I have come to realize that cravings don't just magically disappear because you are on a healthy journey. Cravings will always come and go, instead of beating yourself up and looking at yourself as a failure, you must learn to look at the cravings a guest that comes to visit you every now and then. I have learned that even though cravings are here to stay, that I do not have to be afraid of them and I am not powerless in the face of them. I can indeed say no. I can resist them. Resisting craving's does not mean, that I am craving free, only that I see the craving, feel the craving, acknowledge it's presence, say, "Hi Crave," and go about my day. I don't pay Crave no never mind! CLM

Goal Amendment

Goal Amendment: My former goal was to eat no snacks/sweets. This goal was too strict and I was not able to live like this! My new goal is to stop destructive eating. Destructive eating for me is defined as eating cheese, pizza, fast food, fried food, chocolate, fruit-snacks, crackers,chips, ice cream and all it's cousins, cake and cookies, and eating excess portions. I will also be setting a limit on my daily walks from 20-60 minutes until I am lower than 200 pounds. Things are going well. I think I will benefit from having a goal with more structure,something that I can focus on and achieve. My new calorie limit is 2000 calories per day with 1000 calories in snacks! CLM

2013 Plan for my Health!

Well first let me state that from Oct 2012- Dec 2012 I lost 20 LBS. My current weight is 270 LBS. All in all for 2012 I have kept the same ten pounds off since April 2012, so I have learned maintenance. My lowest known weight this year was 267 LBS. My plan for 2013 is very simple. I plan to continue with the healthy habits I developed in 2012 and work on my one bad habit which is eating junk food. 1. Drink a ton of water all day long. 2. Walk daily, at-least 20-30 minutes. 3. Meal plan and track what I eat. 4. Eat lean meat, fruit, vegetables, whole grain and non-fat diary. 5. Eat three meals a day, with no sweets or snacks. The only part I am still working on is the no sweets or snacks. I am hoping that by May 2013 I will be down another 20 LBS, making me 250 LBS. I believe I can do it! I know I can. All it takes is focusing on small task each day. CLM