Fat and Fabulous!

I am back with a post for 2015!

Fat and Fabulous!

People always like to point out that other people are fat, as if anyone needs that pointed out to them, as if they can't look in the mirror or reach and feel their own fat, as if the scale won't do it, or their tight pants won't. Note to all family members, friends and concerned strangers if someone is fat their is a 1000% chance they already know it.

Being fat is simply a fact. "I am fat, so there I admit it!" Once you acknowledge and admit that you are fat what is next? Does the logical conclusion to, "I'm fat" lead to some other observation such as, "I'm a horrible person?" I think what should follow, "I'm fat is and I am also fabulous!" Every time you have the though that you are fat what should also follow is I am fabulous. Every time some one else tells you that you are fat, you should say thank you for stating the obvious, but did you also know that I also happen to be fabulous as well!

If people came up to be people that were smart and boldly proclaimed, "You're Smart!", like they do, "You're Fat" imagine what kind of world we could live in.

Have a Fabulous Day!

Carolyn aka CLM

Welcome August!

This month I am doing a Junk Food Detox. I am eating 3 meals with no sweets or snacks between meals. I have always debated whether I should do a three meal, no snacks, no sweets plan, but I find that my problem truly is my junk food addiction and in order to change I have to change the patterns of behavior that support my large junk food consumption and eat in a manner that will help me to cut it out.

The first few days doing this detox have been challenging. I still have the sensations and craving's to eat, but I am choosing to see them as slight discomfort. I had my wisdom teeth pulled last month and I know that my discomfort now is minor compared to real physical pain. I also know that my plan is doable and that there are other things that are more challenging to me than doing the detox such as running a marathon and yet millions of people train for and run marathons.

I know the detox will not be easy, but I know that it is time for me to do the hard work and fight for myself and break free from my addiction.

CLM

Changing Eating Habits!

There are three primary ways to change ones eating habits.

1. Cut Things Out. Cutting things out cold turkey is the hardest method of changing your eating habits. Some things are easier to cut than others. For me I found that cutting out soda was pretty easy. I drink water 99% of the time, do not drink coffee, alcohol, and barely drink tea. I occasionally drink diet soda, or specialty fruity drinks, but for the most part it is easy for me to choose water. The hardest thing for me to cut are sweets, I actually crave them. When I spend efforts trying to cut sweets from my diet I end up binge eating them.

2. Substitute Things. Another way to change ones eating habits is to simply replace items. Replacing items to me is the most effective way to make changes to my diet. I went from eating regular Yoplait yogurt to light Yoplait yogurt to Dannon Light and Fit Greek yogurt and the transition was not to bad. I also managed to actually switch from Haagan Dazs ice cream to Oikos Greek Frozen Yogurt. There are somethings that I have not managed to substitute. I tried to switch from fruity candy like Skittles to dried fruit and I felt that I liked the candy much better.

3. Moderate Things. When cutting things out or swapping them does not work you can always opt to eat less of something. With my skittles I started using a 1/4 cup measuring cup to portion out my candy.

When trying to change dietary habits I have found it helpful to play around with the three different methods of cutting things out, substituting things or having them in moderation. I am hoping that I will continue to build new healthy habits that will help me to better manage my eating for the long haul.

CLM

Hello July 2014!

Well I am back to eating meat, chicken, turkey and fish that is. It all came down to problems digesting soy and gluten. With me having to cut two major sources of food for me, I decided to add back the meat for my own sanity! I am feeling much better since I started eating the meat again.

I am currently tracking my calories again using myfitnesspal. I challenged myself to track from July - December just to see how I am doing. I have not really been putting pressure on myself, just being very observant of my habits. I notice that my basic meals minus junk food and binge eating always come well under 2000 calories a day, but when I factor in my nightly binges I eat like 3000 calories or more per day.

Seeing the raw numbers made me panic and I was going to break my cardinal rule of never cut out snacks and treats and try that thing I always fail at abstinence , but my mind just would not let me go there. I no I do have a problem, but going cold turkey is just not for me, it is just a nice fantasy I entertain when I feel like my eating is out of control.

I am going to try an experiment this month though. I am going to see if bulking up my dinner meals helps me with my after dinner noshing. I noticed that some times my evening meals are on the skimpy side like 300 calories. I am thinking by eating more food and bumping up that evening meal to a minimum of 500 calories I might be able to curb my evening urges.

I am also trying to be more kind to myself. I see that it is some times a struggle to be kind to myself and to respect that I am struggling in my wellness journey. The struggle is real and some times it is ugly and it is easy to beat myself up, I have to remember that I am trying.

I am thinking of adding in some tastier treats every once in a while instead of only eating very low calorie treats during my desert meal. I am thinking if I give myself the ice cream, and even cake every once in a while maybe this will stop me from going crazy and binge eating so much. I am trying to limit my treat meal to no more than 500 calories and for me that is a challenge all within itself.

Happy July!

CLM

Hello June and a Clean Sweep!

I have not posted in like forever. I was doing this thing where I was monitoring myself weekly and started trying to post once a week, but then I fell off the band wagon. I do better with a monthly post. Lots of things have been happening lately. I have recently been having to live on a tight budget and that has impacted my wellness journey and how I shop for food. I use to buy whatever fresh foods I needed and I shopped weekly. I was able to eat green smoothies and salads whenever I wanted. Now am shopping like once a month and I am relying on good old standby's like beans and rice. It has been a challenge to keep my health as a priority while trying to save a few bucks, but it is not impossible.

I have also decided to go back vegetarian so my flirtation with  meat has been very short lived.

This Month my goal is to do a clean sweep of my diet and wellness journey. Over the past 5 years I have been slowly building healthy habits such as drinking water, eating low calorie meals, walking, but there have been some areas that I was slacking in. This time around I am focusing on eating a low-fat diet, cutting way back on snacks and sweet aka junk food. I plan to have just one small treat a day with dinner and then abstain from snacking after dinner. I am trying to virtually eliminate eating cheese. This time my goals are not only to shed pounds but to be healthy from the inside out for joint health, digestive health, lower blood pressure, disease prevention such as diabetes, cancer and heart disease.

Currently I am on a 10 day Acid Reflux Diet where I am eating apples sauce, rice cakes and brown rice for 10 days in order to rid myself off all acid reflux problems before seeking any medication.

I am feeling great this month!

CLM

2 out 7 and Climbing!

Last night I was able to earn another star to put on my calender. I put a star on my calender for each day of the week that I stick with my Sacred Snacks.

What helped me earn my star last night was performing my "Cycle of Distractions." After I eat my 3 allotted Sacred Snacks, before I consume any thing else I must perform three task. I must read a chapter of something, watch a youtube video and draw a picture. Last night around 9:45 pm I felt myself wanting another round of snacks and I stopped myself and said, "It's time to read." I ended up reading one month's worth of a blog, " A journey to thin." Reading that blog certainty took time and kept me distracted  long enough to see that my urges to eat went away after twenty minutes. I would get second waves or urges to eat, but they also went away after another twenty minutes. I now know that it takes twenty minutes for an urge to eat to pass and that I can expect multiple waves of urges to eat that will also go away within twenty minutes.

My second distraction was watching some youtube videos. I looked up some videos on, "How to make Kale and found the following video. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5RfvhzLmfn4 . I will have some Kale chips tonight as a snack!

I then moved on to my third distraction of the evening and drew a picture. I love drawing cubes and flowers so I drew a cube with flowers on it. I played around with three colors, on for the petals, on for the outside of the cube and one from the central bud of the flower. Each side of the cube featured a different color flower, a different color back ground a a different color bud.

All of these exercises in distraction kept me from reaching for more snacks. I finally hit the deck around 11:30 pm and I was able to live with one round of snacks and earned my star.

The rest of this week features some busy days at work, including working nights and part of the weekend. I will try to maintain good eating habits and continue to practice using these new Sacred Snack techniques to stay on track.

CLM

Reality Check! Giving up sweets and snacks does not work for me!

I talked out my crazy 3 meal a day plan with my therapist and she was able to help me see the light that the plan is way to restrictive for me. I am back to my harm reduction model of my Sacred Snacks with some new tools.

I have expanded my Sacred Snack Choices ( jello, cereal bars, chocolate covered raisins, fruit leathers and skinny cow ice cream bars, special k chips, popcorn, pirates booty chips and pringles)

There are new parameters for eating the Sacred Snacks. Each night I get to choice three items that  I can have, and then after eating those I must complete three task; watch a youtube video, read a ch of a book and draw one picture and if I still want to eat after that I can have another round/ cycle of my Sacred Snacks until they run out. This plan gives me a little more structure and control.

For certain snacks I have an additional parameter, for instance the ice cream can only be purchased once a week on Fridays. I can eat it all in one day if I choose, but I have to wait a week to get more. The pringles and chocolate also are Friday only purchases.

These new parameters along with my expanded Sacred Snacks should help me to manage my compulsive eating better and help me maintain more control without me being so strict that I end up going off the rails.

CLM

My Only Shot At Healing!

I have come to the realization that my eating is totally out of control. I binge every single night, and every single weekend. I am highly addicted to sweets and I cannot stop eating them. I am highly addicted to after dinner snacking. As a result of my compulsive eating I have a 300 pound body. There is really only one solution that will offer me healing and physical recovery. I will as of today, Tuesday, May 13, 2014 adopt this policy and will no longer live in denial.

The Solution:

Eat three meals a day with no sweets and no snacks.

CLM

MM: Earned a 4 out 7 and Struggles

This past week I earned a 4 out of 7. On the bright side I was able to double my success from the week before. Hopefully this week I will do even better. I did a lot of things right last week. I drank a ton of green smoothies and even increased my spinach intake from 1 to 2 cups in each smoothie. This week I am thinking about trying out Kale for a 1 cup Spinach and 1 cup Kale in my smoothie. I also got in some good walks, even some evening walks. Over the weekend I had a hard time. This is my first Mother's Day without my mother or my grandmother. I also attended a funeral for someone who had just lost their mother and the pain was very real and raw for me. I tried to keep it together but by Sunday I was in total sloth mode and I ate very poorly. I am thankful that I get to start over fresh this week. This week has it's own challenges since, I have to work on Friday Night and Saturday morning for a truly busy week at work. I am going to try to stay on chill mode and just get through this week on faith and taking it One Day At A Time.

I have also begun to see a pattern with myself. When I have struggles I am tempted to over correct and punish myself by adopting a strict plan. I also notice that when I am doing well I want to ride the wave of success and become distracted and try to make my plan more strict. This week I am going to try to stay in the middle and just follow my plan allowing myself my Sacred Snacks whether I have a good day or a bad day.

CLM

It Tasted Like Cake Frosting!

I had my husband order some white chocolate from Switzerland. The candy is hard to find here in the States. I had the candy a long time ago and I thought the candy tasted like heaven. Every year I tell my husband he can buy me some for my birthday and every year I am on some kind of diet and can't eat it, so I always cancel the order at the last minute. Finally this month, I told my husband to go ahead and order the candy for me. Last night I ate my precious coveted Swizz white Chocolate and it tasted like Cake Frosting! Like Cake Frosting! I loath the taste of Cake Frosting and usually will scrap if off of cup cakes or cake. It just goes to show the desire for a thing is some times better than the actual thing.

In a strange twist of events I was craving a green smoothie for dinner last night so I drank one. I felt like I would be hungry later only drinking a green smoothie so I planned to have a bagel thin and some sliced turkey if I got hungry. I did get hungry to I had the toast and turkey. I am so happy I did trust myself enough to drink my greens when I was craving them.

Imagine craving green smoothie and being put off by white chocolate!

So far I have earned two out of 7 days on plan and still have the potential to earn a 7 out of 7.

I found a new technique this week of rating my mood on a scale of 10 to -10. 10 being based on the best day ever and -10 the worse day ever. My goal is to begin practicing sticking with my Sacred Snacks on the good days on the scale, while not worrying so much about the really bad days. I began putting it into practice the other night. I was at Target and I was looking at the muffins. I really wanted those muffins in that moment. I turned the muffins around so that I could see the stats. The muffins had 12 grams of fat! I was like "Oh No, I can do better than that!" I ended up purchasing some chewy granola bars with chocolate chips instead which only had 2.5 grams of fat, much better! On this day my mood was at a level 7. I could have easily eaten the muffins as easily as the granola bar on a level 7 day. Little by little I hope to improve my eating in this way.

I have also come up with a new weekend strategy for manage my eating! I am thinking about implementing the following tricks to have better eating on the weekend:

1. Have a healthy breakfast to start the day ( Green Smoothie)

2. Have a 2nd Breakfast instead of mindless munching ( Turkey and Toast w/ fruit ex.)

3. Have all you can eat fresh fruit to fill up on!

4. Snack on my Sacred Snacks throughout the day! ( Jello, light chips etc)

5. Make smarter fast food choices such as Taco Bell two chicken soft tacos.

6. Eat out at restaurants without going over board by cutting drinks, appetizers and bread and only eating 1/2 of the food.

7. Don't keep left over junk by ordering a smaller pizza and keeping the damage contained to just the one meal!

8. Get in some activity on the weekend to keep my mind off eating!

CLM

Totally Off the Rails and a 2/ 7

This weekend was pure chaos. I was on my cycle and I went to this marriage retreat that brought up this explosion of emotions. My eating became totally erratic. Instead of reaching for planned meals I ate random comfort foods such as fish sticks and tater tots, and frozen pizza. I allowed a ton of junk food in the house, cheese, chips, chocolate and ice cream. I just ate to stuff down all those emotions. I am thankful for the fresh start on Monday and I am happy that even though I had some chaotic eating, all is not lost and I can begin to eat with some order today.

As easily as I can eat in a chaotic manner, I can just as easily resume eating in an orderly way. I am beginning to see that I am not perfect and every day will not be sunny. I am just beginning to teach myself how to eat well during sunny days, but there will be some storms and even some tornadoes, and there will be times when my eating is the last thing I am concerned with. I can't waste energy judging myself for how I eat during a tornado, because tornado's are not the norm. All I can do is improve my eating on a daily basis, and I will not worry about those times when my eating is a lower priority.

This same week that I earned 2 out of 7 days with my Sacred Snacks. I had 7 out 7 days drinking fruit juice smoothies, and 5 of those 7 days I drank green juice smoothies with Spinach a first for me!

CLM

Totally Abandoning the Three Meal a Day Plan!

I gave it try, the whole 3 meal a day with no snacks, sweets or trigger foods and it was a total failure. All I did was binge eat from Thursday -Sunday. So for week three I did manage to get a 3 days out of 7 on my Sacred Snacks. I am back to my Sacred Snack plan using the harm reduction model. In the evening I will continue to have my light popcorn, light chips and I try to focus my sweet tooth on jello pudding.

I do like having healthy snacks between meals during the day to help with my blood sugar levels as well.

Getting back on track this Monday!

CLM

Moving on Up!

Since 2008 the scale has done nothing but gone up for me. I went from 150 pounds to 300 pounds by 2014. I have just had my own wake up call! I was inspired watching this show called, "Freaky Eaters", and I had my own version of shock therapy. I realized that even on a good day I am taking in an additional 1,000 calories in junk food. Since this past Monday I have three successful days on my former eating plan which was the harm reduction model. What I have come to realize is that until I cut out my trigger foods completely, and stop binge eating I will not see any weight-loss and I will always be playing with fire. Moderation is a trap for me. When I am constantly eating and snacking as a compulsive eater I put my body in great harm by taking in excess sugar, fat and calories. I have decided that I want to change, I no longer want to binge every single night.

I am going to adopt the mighty 3 meal a day plan, with no snacking between meals, no sweets and no trigger foods. When I think about it this plan is much easier than surgery and I am capable of a lot more than I know. I will follow this plan One Day At A Time.

Here are some benefits to the 3 Meal A Day Plan!

1. It will help me kick my addiction to the curb!

2. I will lose weight!

3. It is easier than surgery!

It is time to see that scale move down!!!!!!!!!!!

CLM

Reason # 999 Why We Should Never Give Up after a Bad Week: You can have a better week!

In looking at my progress I see that the first week I got a 4 out of 7 days on plan. Then last week I had a really bad week with only 1 out of 7 days on plan. After seeing last weeks results I could have easily given up, but then I would not have been able to see the greatness that was this Monday! Last night I managed to stick to my Sacred Snacks for the first Monday within three weeks!!!!!!!!!!! That means I now have the possibility of getting a 7 out of 7 for the first time! Looking at the past two weeks I see that I did well on Tuesday's after my Therapy appointment so I am hoping to have a good night tonight and earn a 2 out of 7 days on plan.

CLM

MM: Last Weeks Results!

Last week I only managed 1 out of 7 days on plan. I had a very tiring and stressful week. I ended up not really following any real eating plan over the weekend and eating way too many trigger foods. After a bad week of eating I have three choices. I can throw in the towel and start eating all kinds of crazy stiff, I can be hard on myself and think about following some extreme plan or I can suck it up, accept that I had a bad week and move on.

I have been watching this show called, "Surving the Cut." It is a military show about people taking these courses to earn elite military ranks. One thing I noticed on the show is that if you fail to pass the basic standard you don't move on to the advanced standards, you simply repeat the basic course until you get it right. Right now when it comes to my eating I am in basic training and instead of making my plan more difficult my aim this week is to simply get the stuff right that I messed up on last week. This week is a clean slate and I have the opportunity right now to earn a 7 out of 7.

CLM

Thursday: Recover from Mishaps!

Last night I totally tanked it own my plan. I ended up reaching for Mac and Cheese for comfort food and I got taken in by some warm baked cookies my husband made. The lesson I learned in all of this is two fold.

I. I have to take 1000% ownership of my own abstinence at all times. ( Sure my husband baked those cookies and offered me some, BUT can I blame him for me eating three of them? Blaming others does not serve me in any way. The only way I can make lasting change is to own my stuff and take responsibility for my own actions. The bottom line is I wanted those cookies. I have to be proactive about reminding my husband to bake when I am not home. I have to do what it takes to remain faithful to my own plan!)

II. Don't shoot out the tires. (Mistakes are not the end of the world!!!! Being a drama queen when I make mistakes is nothing but me giving myself license to make more of them. So what I messed up on Wednesday, what am I going to do about it Thursday? I ate a cookies this morning, and I decided not to count that cookie against myself in my grading for this week. I still have the opportunity to get 5 out of 7 days on plan. I work hard today I can stick to my Sacred Snacks this evening and pull through this weekend I will earn a solid B. It was important to not dock myself and give up, but to allow a little credit so that I can keep fighting. The bottom line is to stop looking for excuses to throw in the towel!)

CLM

TKO: Fight Longer!

Last night I did not earn my 1 out of 7 days on plan with my Sacred Snacks. I began the battle on the right foot. I read some OA literature after dinner, I pulled out my Sacred Snacks, my jello, popcorn and some tea. Then I felt feasty and I ended eating one of those Nature Valley Breakfast Biscuits. Later I was still hungry so I ate bagel thin, and veggie sausage patty. The night wore on and I grew weaker. Finally my resolve broke and I gave in to MC Donalds fries, and ice cream and some cookies. What I learned from this battle is that I need to learn to fight longer. If necessary tonight I will read more OA literature. I will eat more popcorn and more jello and drink more tea. The main goal is to abstain from all sweets other than jello and all snacks except for light popcorn and chips. I don't mind eating real food when I get hungry such as the bagel thin and the veggie sausage, but the french fries, cookies and ice cream where definitely in the no fly zone!

Fight Longer!!!!!!!! I may have lost the battle, but I have not lost the war. It is still possible to get 6 out of 7 days on plan.

CLM

Motivational Monday: 4 out of 7 Days with Sacred Snacks!

The past week I was able to make it 4 out of 7 days with my Sacred Snacks, two of those days was on the weekend Friday and Saturday which are my hardest days to stay on plan. On Saturday I did begin reading, " A Course in Weight-loss, " by Marianne Williamson. I read chapter one and begin to identify some of the stuff that is eating me. I noticed that when I stayed focused all day long, had small meals every three hours I was able to stay on top of things and did not binge. On Sunday I had a sloth day and overate all day long. I think it is important for me to get out of the house on Sundays. Overall I give myself a C+ for the week!

Goals for the week :

1. I would like to earn a C+ or Better this week with my Sacred Snacks. Which means 4 days or more on plan.
2. I would like to read Chapter two of , "A Course in Weight-loss," on Saturday.
3. I would like to go to Church this Sunday. To make sure that I get out of the house.

CLM

The Report Card

I have come up with a neat little system to keep myself accountable on my weekly plan come Motivational Monday. For each day I eat my Sacred Snacks I will earn a letter grade. To recap my Sacred Snacks are when I abstain from all sweets except Jello Pudding, and  abstain from all snack foods except light popcorn and light chips.

The Grading System

1 out of 7 days on plan is D

2 out of 7 days on plan is D+

3 out of 7 days on plan is C

4 out of 7 days on plan is C+

5 out of 7 days on plan is B

6 out of 7 days on plan is B+

7 out of 7 days on plan is A++

The goal is simply to motivate myself to get as many days in the week as I can on plan.

So far this week I have made it 2 out of 7 days, and it is still possible for me to go 5 out of 7 days and make a solid B this week!

CLM

Motivational Monday: Checking In on a Thursday!

I use to post once a month on average. I have recently discovered that having a goal that takes 30 days to accomplish is way too difficult for my scattered mind. I might start the month off focused for a few days and then lose track of my goals all together. I am amending my approach. For a brief period of time I use to fill out these weekly goal sheets every Friday and I managed to lose 10 lbs in 30 days doing that. I did not know it then, but now I am sure that creating those weekly goals is what helped me to ultimately reach my goals.

My new plan is to create goals for the week each week on Monday. Monday is the day when I feel most energized. I am back at work, I feel like I have a clean slate and I am ready to roll up my sleeves. I will review that past weeks progress and make goals for the week on Monday. Monday is simply a virtual day, a day when I get started, if I am slacking on Monday, I will get it together an take action on Tuesday.

So far this week I have had two binges, and one day on what I call my Sacred Snacks. I am currently using a harm reduction model to deal with my compulsive eating. I limit my sweets to just jello pudding and I snack on light popcorn and other light chips.

The basic meal plan that I follow each day is as follows:

Breakfast- cereal or sliced turkey, toast and fruit juice

Mid-Am Snack- Energy Bar + Fresh Fruit

Lunch- Turkey Sandwich + Yogurt

Mid-Afternoon Snack-Energy Bar+ Fresh Fruit

Dinner- lean cuisine, soup, sandwich, or something else light and easy. I usually eat the same thing three days in a row before moving on.

My current goal is to get back to 275 from 300 LBS. I only weigh once a year and focus on healthy habit formation and observing my bodies changes.

* I primarily focus on limiting my snacks to my Sacred Snacks, as I generally eat good meals.

Current Goals for the Week:

1. Don't Shoot Out the Tires  ( "When you have a flat tire you don't shoot out the other three."-unknown weight-loss blog source) When I have one bad day of eating, I don't want to give up. If I mess up Monday, I want to do better Tuesday, if I mess up Thursday, I want to do better on Friday.

As of now I have 1 out of 7 days on plan with my Sacred Snacking.

I can potentially finish this week out with 5 out of 7 days on my Sacred Snacks!

Something Cool I did today:

When I go out to eat I tend to over eat, and I also tend to eat the left overs, especially bad with pizza. Today I ate Panda Express. I got the bowl instead of the 2 entree, string bean chicken and steamed rice. I ate 1/3 of the meal for lunch. I visualized myself eating a lean cuisine and how much food would fit into one, and ate just that. I tossed the rest of the meal away instead of eating it for a later meal, primarily because I don't want to eat fast food left overs when I could be eating my own healthy meal. I realized there is really no need to continue a one meal event into several meals.

CLM