My Only Shot At Healing!

I have come to the realization that my eating is totally out of control. I binge every single night, and every single weekend. I am highly addicted to sweets and I cannot stop eating them. I am highly addicted to after dinner snacking. As a result of my compulsive eating I have a 300 pound body. There is really only one solution that will offer me healing and physical recovery. I will as of today, Tuesday, May 13, 2014 adopt this policy and will no longer live in denial.

The Solution:

Eat three meals a day with no sweets and no snacks.

CLM

MM: Earned a 4 out 7 and Struggles

This past week I earned a 4 out of 7. On the bright side I was able to double my success from the week before. Hopefully this week I will do even better. I did a lot of things right last week. I drank a ton of green smoothies and even increased my spinach intake from 1 to 2 cups in each smoothie. This week I am thinking about trying out Kale for a 1 cup Spinach and 1 cup Kale in my smoothie. I also got in some good walks, even some evening walks. Over the weekend I had a hard time. This is my first Mother's Day without my mother or my grandmother. I also attended a funeral for someone who had just lost their mother and the pain was very real and raw for me. I tried to keep it together but by Sunday I was in total sloth mode and I ate very poorly. I am thankful that I get to start over fresh this week. This week has it's own challenges since, I have to work on Friday Night and Saturday morning for a truly busy week at work. I am going to try to stay on chill mode and just get through this week on faith and taking it One Day At A Time.

I have also begun to see a pattern with myself. When I have struggles I am tempted to over correct and punish myself by adopting a strict plan. I also notice that when I am doing well I want to ride the wave of success and become distracted and try to make my plan more strict. This week I am going to try to stay in the middle and just follow my plan allowing myself my Sacred Snacks whether I have a good day or a bad day.

CLM

It Tasted Like Cake Frosting!

I had my husband order some white chocolate from Switzerland. The candy is hard to find here in the States. I had the candy a long time ago and I thought the candy tasted like heaven. Every year I tell my husband he can buy me some for my birthday and every year I am on some kind of diet and can't eat it, so I always cancel the order at the last minute. Finally this month, I told my husband to go ahead and order the candy for me. Last night I ate my precious coveted Swizz white Chocolate and it tasted like Cake Frosting! Like Cake Frosting! I loath the taste of Cake Frosting and usually will scrap if off of cup cakes or cake. It just goes to show the desire for a thing is some times better than the actual thing.

In a strange twist of events I was craving a green smoothie for dinner last night so I drank one. I felt like I would be hungry later only drinking a green smoothie so I planned to have a bagel thin and some sliced turkey if I got hungry. I did get hungry to I had the toast and turkey. I am so happy I did trust myself enough to drink my greens when I was craving them.

Imagine craving green smoothie and being put off by white chocolate!

So far I have earned two out of 7 days on plan and still have the potential to earn a 7 out of 7.

I found a new technique this week of rating my mood on a scale of 10 to -10. 10 being based on the best day ever and -10 the worse day ever. My goal is to begin practicing sticking with my Sacred Snacks on the good days on the scale, while not worrying so much about the really bad days. I began putting it into practice the other night. I was at Target and I was looking at the muffins. I really wanted those muffins in that moment. I turned the muffins around so that I could see the stats. The muffins had 12 grams of fat! I was like "Oh No, I can do better than that!" I ended up purchasing some chewy granola bars with chocolate chips instead which only had 2.5 grams of fat, much better! On this day my mood was at a level 7. I could have easily eaten the muffins as easily as the granola bar on a level 7 day. Little by little I hope to improve my eating in this way.

I have also come up with a new weekend strategy for manage my eating! I am thinking about implementing the following tricks to have better eating on the weekend:

1. Have a healthy breakfast to start the day ( Green Smoothie)

2. Have a 2nd Breakfast instead of mindless munching ( Turkey and Toast w/ fruit ex.)

3. Have all you can eat fresh fruit to fill up on!

4. Snack on my Sacred Snacks throughout the day! ( Jello, light chips etc)

5. Make smarter fast food choices such as Taco Bell two chicken soft tacos.

6. Eat out at restaurants without going over board by cutting drinks, appetizers and bread and only eating 1/2 of the food.

7. Don't keep left over junk by ordering a smaller pizza and keeping the damage contained to just the one meal!

8. Get in some activity on the weekend to keep my mind off eating!

CLM

Totally Off the Rails and a 2/ 7

This weekend was pure chaos. I was on my cycle and I went to this marriage retreat that brought up this explosion of emotions. My eating became totally erratic. Instead of reaching for planned meals I ate random comfort foods such as fish sticks and tater tots, and frozen pizza. I allowed a ton of junk food in the house, cheese, chips, chocolate and ice cream. I just ate to stuff down all those emotions. I am thankful for the fresh start on Monday and I am happy that even though I had some chaotic eating, all is not lost and I can begin to eat with some order today.

As easily as I can eat in a chaotic manner, I can just as easily resume eating in an orderly way. I am beginning to see that I am not perfect and every day will not be sunny. I am just beginning to teach myself how to eat well during sunny days, but there will be some storms and even some tornadoes, and there will be times when my eating is the last thing I am concerned with. I can't waste energy judging myself for how I eat during a tornado, because tornado's are not the norm. All I can do is improve my eating on a daily basis, and I will not worry about those times when my eating is a lower priority.

This same week that I earned 2 out of 7 days with my Sacred Snacks. I had 7 out 7 days drinking fruit juice smoothies, and 5 of those 7 days I drank green juice smoothies with Spinach a first for me!

CLM

Totally Abandoning the Three Meal a Day Plan!

I gave it try, the whole 3 meal a day with no snacks, sweets or trigger foods and it was a total failure. All I did was binge eat from Thursday -Sunday. So for week three I did manage to get a 3 days out of 7 on my Sacred Snacks. I am back to my Sacred Snack plan using the harm reduction model. In the evening I will continue to have my light popcorn, light chips and I try to focus my sweet tooth on jello pudding.

I do like having healthy snacks between meals during the day to help with my blood sugar levels as well.

Getting back on track this Monday!

CLM

Moving on Up!

Since 2008 the scale has done nothing but gone up for me. I went from 150 pounds to 300 pounds by 2014. I have just had my own wake up call! I was inspired watching this show called, "Freaky Eaters", and I had my own version of shock therapy. I realized that even on a good day I am taking in an additional 1,000 calories in junk food. Since this past Monday I have three successful days on my former eating plan which was the harm reduction model. What I have come to realize is that until I cut out my trigger foods completely, and stop binge eating I will not see any weight-loss and I will always be playing with fire. Moderation is a trap for me. When I am constantly eating and snacking as a compulsive eater I put my body in great harm by taking in excess sugar, fat and calories. I have decided that I want to change, I no longer want to binge every single night.

I am going to adopt the mighty 3 meal a day plan, with no snacking between meals, no sweets and no trigger foods. When I think about it this plan is much easier than surgery and I am capable of a lot more than I know. I will follow this plan One Day At A Time.

Here are some benefits to the 3 Meal A Day Plan!

1. It will help me kick my addiction to the curb!

2. I will lose weight!

3. It is easier than surgery!

It is time to see that scale move down!!!!!!!!!!!

CLM

Reason # 999 Why We Should Never Give Up after a Bad Week: You can have a better week!

In looking at my progress I see that the first week I got a 4 out of 7 days on plan. Then last week I had a really bad week with only 1 out of 7 days on plan. After seeing last weeks results I could have easily given up, but then I would not have been able to see the greatness that was this Monday! Last night I managed to stick to my Sacred Snacks for the first Monday within three weeks!!!!!!!!!!! That means I now have the possibility of getting a 7 out of 7 for the first time! Looking at the past two weeks I see that I did well on Tuesday's after my Therapy appointment so I am hoping to have a good night tonight and earn a 2 out of 7 days on plan.

CLM