Trusting Myself in 2014: Hello January!

In the past I have taken many tips, tricks and words of wisdom from others when it has come to my physical wellness, but rarely have I looked within for answers. After reading Heath At Every Size, by Linda Bacon I realized that the HAAS Approach was not quite for me. I am not an intuitive eater. I need structure, goals, habits and rules. While I can agree that being larger does not make you automatically unhealthy, my own proof is my low blood sugar and low blood pressure despite being 291 pounds. I know that for me I am a Compulsive Eater and that my nature is more destructive and harmful to my body than not. Having some outside barriers helps me to be healthy.

In my journey toward wellness I am embracing weight-loss as a personal goal. Want to lose weight is not bad. I desire to lose, not so that I will be healthy, but so that I can maintain the great health that I already have. I also desire to have greater mobility, flexibility and I want to be my best self. I think my body would be at it's prime at 170 pounds instead of being 291 pounds. I could also be happy and comfortable being 230 to 200 pounds. I feel best when I am a size 16-18 or lower.  I can still function at a size 24, but being greater than a size 24 is not comfortable for me. I cannot express the freedom of movement that I can with a smaller body. I will not put unrealistic goals on my body, but I do believe that with the addition of some healthy habits I could see my body reach 230, 200 and my ultimate goal of being 170 pounds. I am not worried about getting there overnight, my focus is on enjoying the ride and loving and accepting myself at each point along the way.

I appreciate that my 291 pound body still houses my soul, my intelligence, my creativity. I appreciate the fact that my body allows me to take daily walks, that Catherine's bless their hearts crafts garments that I feel attractive in, even at 291 pounds. I appreciate that all my limbs are intact and functioning and I know that I am blessed indeed. I will not become a better person with each shed pound, but I will have more comfort, and I will have greater appreciation for myself as I am already learning to love myself in my present form.

So, now that I am back on a weight-loss journey, with the knowledge that I am a Compulsive Eater, how will I approach weight-loss? For one thing I plan to embrace all the goodness of the HAAS message, while I will be using structure, and developing habits, and even monitoring my weight-loss, I will not carry the old baggage of guilt. I will not feel like a failure when the scale is not moving, I will know that my body has a genetic barrier against shedding pounds and is designed to maintain and hold onto weight. I will not starve myself or deny myself pleasures. I will not beat myself up. I will simply nudge, guide my body to a new path of healthy taste. I will ease my body in slowly to a healthy life style that will help me to shed some pounds. I will love myself all along the way. I will fuse and marry HAAS and the development of Healthy Habits.

As a Compulsive Eater, I will embrace my compulsion. I am a compulsive snacker and instead of denying myself snacks or limiting the amount of snacks I consume I will do what I call damage control. The fact is that I snack on a variety of sweet and crunchy snacks and I eat multiple serving's of those snacks. The problem is that the snacks I usually eat are high in fat, sugar and calories. The foods are my trigger foods and they are highly addictive. I will shift my snacking energy towards snacking on foods that are lower in calories, sugar and fat, foods that are not addictive to me, and that are not my trigger. In this way I can still snack every night, without gaining as much weight. To address my reasons for eating, I will use indirect approaches such as therapy, prayer, music, journal writing etc.

I plan on keeping a record of the foods I eat using myfitnesspal, tracking the calories, paying particular attention to snack calories. I will also employ meal planning.

Two things that I have already started are eating chicken and turkey. I have been a vegetarian for a long time, but I started listening to my body and my body is telling me I need the meat. A little meat goes a long way for me. The other thing I have done is let go of the notion that I have to eat breakfast foods, at breakfast time. I do not eat most breakfast foods, and was frustrated trying to come up with a healthy meal plan, knowing that I hate egg's, and oatmeal. This morning I ate a turkey wrap for breakfast and it was yummy! I got a little protein, and even got some veggies in.

This phase in my journey is about trusting myself, gleaning from the abundance of health wisdom that is in the world and tailoring it to fit my needs.I am learning to take wellness advice with a grain of salt.

CLM